As promised......
Read Part 1, if you have yet to do so
here.
Then proceed on, with my enthralling conclusion of our love story.
Bliss
Seven months passed. I saw him every day. We rode to school together, had lunch together, dates every weekend, evenings spent on the couch. (And yes we behaved ourselves on that couch, we were perfectly chaperoned, thank you very much. I know what you are thinking.......not that there wasn't a kiss or two or twenty.) And of course we spent Sunday evenings at my aunt and uncles house, just as we had always done. He made me happy, oh so happy. It felt magical, I felt alive, happy and loved. I don't think we ever really talked of marriage or the future, but in both our minds it was there on the horizon. Just waiting for that perfect time to approach it, to test the waters of a lifetime together.
Life LessonsDid I mention I was 18, did I mention he was 21? Well we were, and as much as I would love to claim I had all the answers at 18, I didn't..... I so didn't. And he probably
will tell you he had all the answers at 21, cause yeah did I mention he's stubborn. But trust me, he didn't have all the answers either. Suddenly we forgot what it meant to pick your battles, suddenly we forgot what it means to love unconditionally, suddenly imperfections began to bug us. Or more we didn't really forget, we just had yet to learn those valuable lessons in love just yet. We began to nit pick each other, we no longer found humor in white eyeshadow, clunky shoes and poofed up hair, things were just not fun anymore. Things were moving too fast and as much as I wanted to claim I wanted marriage by June, in my heart I knew I was not ready. Life had yet to teach me all it needed to teach me in order to make the most momentous decision of my life, and the same could definitely be said for him.
The Break- Up
So the inevitable happened we called it quits or a break. We needed time, time to figure out what we wanted, time apart. And I admit I was a little furious about it, how dare he get my hopes up like that? How dare he let me gush to all of my girlfriends about him. How dare he set white dresses, reception halls, and daisy's into motion for me? Doesn't he know little girls have been planning their weddings since they were just that -- little girls. Surely he realized how devastating this would be for me, to have planned out my whole wedding with him as my groom, only to call it quits a few months later. Yes I would be holding a grudge for this one, if he wanted to win me back there is no way I was going to make it easy on him. I was so mature for my age, don't you think so?
We went our separate ways,............ for all of two weeks, until he realized I was pretty much perfect, (I'm kidding, don't think I am serious about that, I don't think I am perfect, in fact far from. But I do like sarcasm, in case you have not noticed that about me. Sarcasm and me we get along splendidly.)
Me? I stood firm in my decision, I kindly told him to back off and leave me alone every time he called. I told him he was sweet, but it just wasn't going to work out, we were too different.
He was every girls dream. He wrote me love letters. He bought me roses. He took my mom to lunch and picked her brain apart trying to come up with ways on how to win me back. He composed songs on the piano for me. He called my sisters love sick, and desperate for help. He stopped by my work just to tell me I looked beautiful. He wrote me songs and played them on his guitar.
And I behaved like none of it mattered. Though I regret making it so hard on him, I did have my reasons, that are a little too personal for this little blog of mine, but I wasn't totally heartless, I promise. At the time I felt we had broken up for a reason and it would be a mistake to think we could make a marriage work when we couldn't even make dating work.
Devotion
After a few weeks of this my mom could see the torment I was in. I hated hurting his feelings like this, I wanted him to stop, give it up already. It just wasn't going to work out. She told him if he ever wanted me back, he had to back off a bit. Give me time to realize he was all I had ever wanted in life. Give me time to realize he was right, we were made for each other. Give me time to grow up a bit and maybe then it would be me trying to win him back.
So he backed off, and from what I have been told it was awful for him. Looking back I want to cry with tears of gratitude that he never gave up on me. He fought like crazy for me. And though I hate what I put him through, I love that I am loved that much. Eric's dad has always said it best "I had no idea a 100 pound little girl, could drop big, stubborn, proud Eric to his knees, over and over again".
Change of Heart
It was late August of 2002 by now. We had been broken up for four months, it was a lonely summer for me. I dated some, he dated some. None of it mattered, none of those so called dates were fun. I found myself just going through the motions, getting dressed up, going out, small talk and wishing I could just go home. I have never loved the dating game, I was really never good at it.
A Thursday night in August he called me up out of the blue. I hadn't spoken to him in over two months. Little did I know this was it, he had made the decision to ask me out one last time. Just one more time and if it didn't work out he was going to let it go forever. Let me go forever. So he asked me out for Saturday.
I told him no, that I had already made a date for Saturday but if he really wanted to I would go out with him the following weekend. My thoughts -- I was going to lay it out point blank for him on that date. We were not meant to be together, he was making himself miserable with all of this heartache, he was making me miserable having to continually tell him no all the time. It needed to stop and I was going to make sure he knew that. One last date for old times sake and then we could both move on.
The week passed I thought of the date with dread, knowing I would have to hurt someone I cared a great deal about. Not one ounce of me was excited. We would be going out on Saturday, the Thursday before, I woke up to start my day with a lump in my throat. I couldn't get him out of my mind, I pulled out each and every love letter he had ever written me. I read them through over and over again for hours. My heart slowly began to soften, I cried lots. I brought Teri in, made her read each and every letter with me. We cried together, she told me I was a fool if I let him go. She told me the letters were beautiful, his love was real, he would take care of me for the rest of my life. And she would never forgive me if I let him slip away, because of my foolish pride.
She was right, and my heart was spinning. To go from one day ready to tell him goodbye, to the next wanting to throw myself into his arms and beg for forgiveness, I had no idea what to do with myself. What would I say to him? I had been so cool and so cold and so, really no other word for it, but heartless. How could I possibly think I deserved such a person?
So I did the only thing I could think of I prayed and prayed and then I called him up. Gone was the coldness from my voice, gone was my insecurities, gone was the confusion. His voice was just as I knew it would be warm, kind, loving and shocked. I could hear in his voice he was beyond confused at my apparent 180. We talked of the next night, I told him I was excited to see him, excited to be with him. He was sweet and kind but I could tell his mind was reeling from the obvious change in my attitude.
The ProposalSaturday September 7, 2002.
He picked me up in that Sentra, he wore a new black sweater, new jeans, and his Seiko watch I had given him for the previous Christmas. I knew it was all new, because I know his clothes, like the back of my hand. I know his mind, he would have wanted to look nice -- therefore new clothes. But he wanted me to know I was cherished -- therefore he wore my watch I gave him as a token of what I meant to him. It was like fitting right back into a previous life, a good life, a life I was oh so comfortable in, a life that was meant just for me. His hand felt safe, his embrace felt warm, his eyes were like looking into my own soul. My prayers were being answered, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt, this man would be my husband. My partner in life, the father of my children, my eternal companion, and I cried right then and there.
We went to McGrath's Fish House, I had the halibut platter, and a coke of course. He had wood fired salmon and a lemonade. We held hands, we talked of everything, his eyes sparkled, the magic was there. We talked of our mistakes, our immaturity, we talked of our dreams, our goals. We were finally testing those waters of a lifetime together, and it felt good, it felt right, and most importantly to us we knew we were being guided by a loving father in heaven, who was oh so pleased.
We left the restaurant and he took me to where it all began......the home of my aunt and uncle.
They were gone for the evening but had agreed to let him use their home. Rose petals were strewn about, and a lone guitar stood in the corner. He played me song after song. We kissed some in front of a roaring fire, we set a date for our upcoming wedding -- January 23, 2003. We stayed for a long time in front of that fire, my best friend and I finally reaching that monumental time in your life when you know your destiny is right there beside you.
One week later, a ring in his pocket he took me to the grounds of the Bountiful Temple and asked me to marry him for time and all eternity. It amazed me then and it amazes me now when the time is right the time is right. The stars aligned, my heart was open and receptive, my most perfect man was placed before me in a way that I could not deny the greatest gift my father in heaven has ever given me. A man to love me, to take care of me, to adore me, and to be given the gift to do the same for the love of my life.
On January 23, 2003 we were married in the Bountiful temple on a beautiful winter day.
Us Now
8 years of marriage. 15 years of being in each others life, and here we are today. I think he's too judgemental, he thinks I have a bad temper. I think he expects too much of himself, he wishes I wasn't so anal. He hates watching movies, I hate playing games. I get bugged when he can never seem to shut a drawer, he gets bugged when I throw his crap away. He thinks I spend too much money at Target, I cringe when I know he is going to Costco. I get annoyed when he leaves all of his crap out and I HAVE to throw it away. He gets annoyed when I put the milk away before he's done. He brings me home cartons of ice cream when he knows I have had a bad day. I get the kids in the bathtub and to bed when I know he has a big game on. He humors me by saying the sheets smell nice when he knows it was cleaning day. I humor him by pretending to care when the Jazz score a point. He "loves"my ratty Smith and Edward Tshirt I wear to bed, I "love" his stupid purple shorts. I melt when he wears tie, he loves me in my skinny jeans. We talk to each other at least three or four times a day, just to say "hi, how is your day". We would both move heaven and earth for our children. We pride each other on always meeting in the middle on big decisions. Neither of us wears the pants in the family, we value what the other has to say. There is nobody in this world who's opinion I crave more than his. I am first person he asks for advice from when a dilemma arises. I love what a hard worker he is. He loves that I have always put motherhood first and foremost in my life. He is extremely protective of me, I am fiercely loyal to him.
We are different, we each have weaknesses, we each have strengths. We never go to bed angry, we kiss each other every day. We work hard to keep the romance alive. He is my best friend, the father of my children and the love of my life.
And for the record he was right......white eyeshadow is pukey. Poofy hair I no longer have time for, but drop dead if you think I am ever giving up my clunky shoes!
Love you my dear, you make me so happy........
We knew the day had the makings for a fabulous winter wonderland.
You see only about once every season do I actually get up the energy to cram these little babies of mine into their snow gear and make a day of it weathering the weather.
But they love it so, it totally makes it worth it.
My little pink marshmallow was a little unsure of herself.....or maybe it was her brother who kept shoving snow in her lap that she was unsure of......yeah that's probably it.
Working on the makings of a snow man.
A snow man named Jake. I don't know.
Snow Angels of course.
And heck some of us tried our darnedest to dig out the swing set for a few rides on the teeter totter.......didn't really work out for him.
Little K went on her first sledding adventure, safely enclosed next to her brother.
Sadly enough she wasn't really a fan of the fluffy white stuff.
But perhaps it had more to do with the fact that the poor dear kept falling off the sled.
"Wait guys I take it back, that does look like fun, let me at it."
At one point I lost track of the boys and finally located them on the dirt hills behind our house. It's the construction site of our church being built behind us, apparently the mounds of dirt everywhere made great little sledding hills if you are 4 and 5 years old.
Hope you are all having a safe and warm winter weekend!
