The implant decision was a huge one for us.
Up until a few months ago we had refused really even the idea of it. His audiologists would always say so matter of fact that it would only be a matter of time before he would need one. And while I would always smile politely and agree I was always steaming inside.....thinking why the heck do they always say that, they don't know. I can't even really begin to describe our reservations at the time, I did a post about a year ago after Luke's MRI that kinda of describes the place we had always been in regarding an implant. But so much of me now can't remember why I was ever so adamantly against it. I don't know..... but I do know I am so so grateful for that day a few months ago when suddenly both Eric and I had our own personal revelations that it was time and that it would be a blessing and a miracle in the life of this little boy we love so much. From that moment forward while we were scared and stressed yes, never once did we doubt the answer we had received from our father in heaven that this would be the course of action we would take. I am so grateful for my faith in that decision because it is what carried us along this process, every time a doubt would enter my mind, peace was immediately put in it's place and faith took hold.
I love this gospel so much and the ability it has to give us peace and comfort in times that are scary and unpredictable. I will let the pictures of the last month tell the story of this blessed event.
I documented everything over the past month on instagram and I am so so happy I did because even know I can't quite remember the thoughts and emotions I had on a day by day basis. I am so glad I took the time to journal them and help me remember the blessings and lessons that were learned.
Sept 11, 20015
The countdown is on 4 more sleeps until implant day. We are headed down to SLC for his pre op appointment. This boy is one of my heroes in life. The other day we were driving home from therapy he sits in the front seat by me now thinking he's cool stuff. Out of the blue he asks "momma why did Jesus Christ make it so my ears don't hear like everybody else?" My heart skips a beat for a minute, my easy going, care free, go with the flow boy has finally realized he is not quite the same as the world. I'm thinking I need just the right sought out words to explain this to him. So I do my spill about how I don't know for sure but how we all have hard things in life that our meant to make us stronger, better, more Christ like people. I tell him but the neat thing is because of Jesus Christ one day his body will be perfect, his ears will work just as they should. His response "you gotta be kidding me but I love my hearing aids and implant I always want them. And I laughed and laughed and laughed. This is why I love him so, one in a million my Loubird.
Sept 14, 2014
He stole my heart almost eight years ago.....this momma isn't getting a wink of sleep tonight I'm afraid. It's the weirdest mixture of fear and excitement. But one thing I know for sure, my Loubird how far you have come......tomorrow is another huge step in the many miracles God has blessed you with.
Sept 15, 2014
6 am LDS hospital Salt Lake City. George and Luke are ready to go!
Bye bye baby boy. Off he heads to the OR.
And now we wait three long hours. But I am enjoying all the sweet messages being sent to my boy. I can't wait to show him all those who love him and congratulating him on this huge day. I think he will really get a kick out of the video his teacher sent me of his 2nd grade class screaming "good luck Luke." Shoot I'm a mess because boy did it make me cry. Thank you all for your love and prayers.....this is a blessed day for our family. Thank you from Eric, thank you from me, and most importantly thank you from Luke......he is one lucky little dude with so many cheering him on.
He's in recovery and everyone keeps reassuring us both Luke and George did great and were so brave. Bless that monkey for staying with him when I can't.
He never ceases to make me smile.......a few moments worth sharing.
1. One of the first things he wanted was a mirror to see the implant, unfortunately the bandaging is quite extensive "why would they do that, don't they know I want to see it."
2. It was quite painful for the first few hours after waking he tearfully asked me "why were they not very careful, this is all wrong."
3. A gut punch to me and Eric "I didn't know it would hurt like this, I don't want an implant anymore." We did warn him....but well.....
4. But we are now pleased to announce as of five minutes ago "mom I guess I was wrong about that, it doesn't hurt anymore " thank you handy dandy pain meds. We are busting out of here real soon!
Shoot continuing on #5. One of my favorite talking to the doctor before hand "make sure and do the right ear and not my left cause I really like my left hearing aid!" Ha ha ha he was really relieved when the doctor marked his right side as the part to be shaved. I gotta say that left hearing aid is something special alright;) And an update we just arrived home with only one canyon side throwing up incident.....so that's something!
I can't say for sure but I'm fairly certain I know what is going through Eric's mind right here. He's praying we made the right decision in going forth with this implant. That it will be a blessing in his life and help him leap over that last hurdle of speech gap. That it will be all that Luke had imagined it being and live up to the hype he has given it. I bet he is praying that the pain will be minimum and the recovery process swift. That Luke will realize we would never intentionally cause him pain if we didn't truly believe that the bigger picture is a beautiful one. And last praying for peace for Luke and patience as he loses hearing in that ear during the few weeks between now and activation. That he will not get discouraged and overwhelmed if the process is slower than he would like. That he will have faith that God is mindful of him and it will come with time. I love his daddy and am so grateful we are in this together, that there is that one person who's thoughts align with mine for the well being and caring of our four children. One big hurdle is down and now one to go. Activation day is set for October 3, and then the real fun begins as his new cochlear implant life begins!
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Sept 16, 2014
Poor little guy just couldn't get comfy on the bed so to the couch we went. Even though he woke multiple times and in between keeping his pain medicine coming every few hours it was a night I will treasure. This boy is the independent type and rarely needs cuddling from his mommy. I loved every second of his hands playing in my hair. His sweet fingers brushing my face softly to wake me when he needed me. The cute smile and soft hug that said I'm glad you're here. He's such a treasure.
On our agenda today....Chugz drinks, couch time, Minecraft, tomato macaroni soup and Air Bud Golden Retriever. I am grateful for this sweet time with this sweet boy. I overheard him talking to Eric this morning who asked him if he slept okay on the couch. He answered sweetly "yes dad, mom took care of me." As I lay there with him last night so completely exhausted and yet so completely happy his tiny hand in mine as he snuggled in closer I had the most overwhelming feeling of my father in heaven. It's in those quiet and often small and easy to look past moments that speak the loudest to me. It was as if I could feel our father smiling at me and Luke with a look of love saying "this is why I entrusted him with you, one of my most precious children to raise up and nurture. You are doing it and you are doing it well." It was fleeting and so rare to feel for a moment that I was doing my best with one of God's children and that he was pleased with my efforts and deepest desires of my heart. It can be so easy to feel inadequate and discouraged in our roles as mother's, it's a beautiful thing even for just a minute to feel so empowered and secure in my most cherished role. I'm so grateful to you all for allowing me to share the lessons I am learning, often it seems they come all at once like God is saying I will just keep pouring them down while your heart is open and your spirit is so easily receiving them. I don't want to forget the emotions and memories of this blessed time.
Sept 30, 2014
Luke's teacher sent home a make up math test tonight because he had a bit of trouble with it today, thanks to only one working ear. He told me she said he only had to go to number 10 and then stop. When I checked with her we both had to laugh because what she actually said was when he said "it will take all night, can I stop at ten?" She said "yes stop at ten and go to bed". Thinking he meant ten pm......he's not too happy he has to go to 26:) And man are we ready for activation day these miscommunications while funny must be getting frustrating for the little guy. He's not hearing much right now!
Oct 2, 2014
Activation day tomorrow, post op today. That wheelchair full of stuff is the processors we bring to his audiologist tomorrow for the big day. Eric drive home carefully that's an expensive carload of stuff:)
Oct 3, 2014
My heart is so happy today for him. Last night he came up to me and wrapped his little boy arms around my waist and said "thank you for my implant mom, I'm so excited for tomorrow, I hope I can sleep tonight." I marvel at how much this process has thrilled him and it makes me think heavenly father has been doing his darnedest to fill that little spirit with the knowledge and faith that a miracle is coming his way. One hour and away we go to collect his miracle!
Oh my heck I couldn't love him more!
It's hard to even describe to you the emotions of this day. Grateful sunglasses are covering my teary face. I am so overwhelmed with love for this beautiful boy.... my mind has taken a trip down memory lane this last month over the last eight years of joy he has brought me. So much about him is a walking miracle I marvel that he is here and I am watching him grow. I cried in that final moment when she said "are you ready Luke". I cried when he got tears and said "but it's loud beeping, you are not talking, I don't know what you are saying" he couldn't make out a word. I cried at the look on his face as he looked at his reflection and smiled at his good looking self. I cried when we turned on his hearing aid side and with it's help he began distinguishing sounds. I cried as he proudly walked out of that office carrying his precious cargo of supplies in his "briefcase". I cried at a wonderful audiologist who kept reassuring him and us this was normal and wonderful and soon enough his sweet mind would hear something other than loud beeping. I cried as his cute little voice kept shouting out noises...."I think I hear a bird, no a car, no an airplane". I cried when he said the beeping was gone and maybe Elizabeth was right he would hear sounds! It can only go up from here. And right now here is a pretty amazing miracle and I am so so grateful for this little boy......he is my hero.
Oct 7, 2014
We had so much to go over on Friday with the implant we couldn't fit it all in and went back for round 2, another 2 hours today. My head is spinning......spinning! SO much information. However ready for the awesome news of the day? She said he was doing awesome and typically with kids they are at this point a month or two out, not four days out. She just kept laughing saying "wow Luke". And I love to hear him explain to people why he is not hearing words yet "it's okay my brain is just really confused right now......it will get there."
So that is where we are at today.
Every day is better and better.
Every day he gets stronger and stronger with his implant.
He is full of laughter, love and joy just as he always is.
No regrets, not one.......we feel so much peace with this decision and so happy for this little man to have this gift in his life.
What a blessed month it has been......
